WELCOME TO COUNTRY
... our bloody country
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
Us group of elders are mobilising up here and demanding recognition. Taxpayers won’t cop their $squillions a year goin’ to Aboriginal jokers who weren’t here first! We were here before all these footy players and we want recognition at every game of Aussie Rules, and that other game they play somewhere near Robina where they shove their hands up each other’s shorts.
We don’t want to cause any trouble just yet but we do need a serious “thankyou”. We want it performed at the start of each bloody game after we do our bit and offer a serious “Welcome to Country” ceremony to all the Aborigines.
We are demanding that all our council land rates be refunded because we were here first, so it’s our bloody land and anyway what for are we payin’ rates on our own bloody land?
We will eventually need a serious “sorry” for our stolen generation with someone who can cry as good as uncle bloody Kevin.
It’s a “sorry” ceremony for all them bloody Aborigines who heartlessly adopted all our young white kids who eventually became Aboriginal activists, you know bro, all them bastards who don’t know one end of a boomerang from the other but intimately know every inch of a bloody Centrelink office. Just ask Andrew Bolt.
It’s them who have given all of us original campers a bad name and given Bolt indigestion... it’s caused us all heaps of stress and we need to be compensated for that big time.
And you buggers can get that "VOLUNTARY INDIGENOUS IDENTIFIER" bullshit off your site immediately. https://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/services/medicare/medicare-voluntary-indigenous-identifier where it says "You can fill out this form to identify yourself as whatever you want, You don't have to do this. It's your choice."
"It's your choice?" Is it really? Are you gummint fellas goin' bonkers? You mean any bugger can call 'imself an original camper? Sheeeeeez, any more original campers and we'll all be rich black fellas with shares in zinc cream and coppin a weekly piece of them $squillions!
Have some respect you blokes for Christ's sake or you'll get a bone pointed at you!
Our kids and grand kids from now on are to get six months’ school holidays twice a year and the teachers must be hot and wear bikinis year round, (sheila teachers that is.) Serial truants are to be expelled for a full week and if they run out of petrol, stiff Chedda.
We will all need one of them new Range Rovers each full up with diesel and cartons of smokes and VB and lots of ash trays, oh, and dispensation for any speeding or DUI fines with no registration costs.
All that new housing we are entitled to we want built on Fraser Island where we will need you latecomers to this nation to deliver our allocation of turtles and dugongs on Friday arvos as we are too pissed to catch ‘em ourselves after midday.
We want these houses renovated every year as there is bugger all driftwood up there, so we'll be needing it for cookin’ and a bit of foot stompin’ corroboree stuff after drinkies. And we need a Centrelink office on the north end of the beach staffed by sheilas in bikinis.
But you can forget that Constitutional recognition bullshit ... what for we want that? We recognise each other already. (Except for Myrtle and Gwyneth when they got their gear off last night.)
And if you buggers think you gunna pay us our mining commissions with that fat fella’s nickel receipts, better think again ‘cos we're on the phone to BHP, and we already got a uranium deal negotiated.
Anyway it’s only $2 a year membership to the Elders Tribe and as soon as we elect our office bearers we can go get our hands on a piece of them $squillions.
Lotsa members so far and Bolt has even put a deposit on a new Popemobile for George Pell.
We'll also be starting our new tax-free, expense-deductible, government-grant-attracting cult called Antislam. Should be a bloody gold mine!
So we’re givin’ you political fellas fair warning