THOROUGHLY UNLIKABLE CREATURES
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
I was aimlessly flicking channels looking for this al-Jazeera doco on ISIS, only because the missus had cancelled the porn channel, when National Geographic channel popped up... and crikey it looked interesting.
These hyenas wouldn’t win any prizes at a dog show and if, as some people say, they are really cats then you wouldn’t want one purring on your lap.
These creatures are pretty much at the bottom of the aesthetic chain and they eat carrion that other more noble creatures have risked their lives killing.
No other animal (or human) on earth likes them including their competitors, the vultures. Imagine not even a vulture liking you!
It’s funny, but believe it or not, a female hyena’s private part is indistinguishable from a male’s, and that doesn’t sound like they have a lot of fun either, so why all the cackling and laughing?
Well, for a start, they are happy because no other creature will eat them... they taste like shit and any respectable law-of-the-jungle-abiding creature just wants them gone, eradicated!
I mean, every creature’s babies are cute except for the hyena’s, even at three weeks they still look like a hat full of arse holes, so no other creature wants to eat them either!
Yet every hyena thinks he/she and her/his babies are adorable and obviously every hyena has the hots for every other hyena, regardless of sex, so 50 per cent of the time half the hyenas get pregnant.
But hyena’s certainly like to eat other creatures’ cute babies, like the king of the jungle’s cuddly offspring. And National Geographic showed how this king took two days to hunt down this one hyena and kill it by snapping its spine with one bite.
The king left it there writhing in pain eying a kettle of vultures circling above. Now that’s real hatred for ya!
Hyenas also chase groups of other creatures until they find a slower or weaker one and then they pounce. I know, I know, a lot of predatory creatures do that but hyenas skip the asphyxiation bit, they cackle and chortle while the creature experiences progressively being eaten alive. Hyenas really are thoroughly unlikable creatures.
So, when I finally found the ISIS doco on al-Jazeera, it appeared I had just seen it all before... on National Geographic! Except that hyenas are very un-Islamic in one way only:
The alpha dog/cat creature is invariably a female and I could tell only because she wasn’t wearing a burkah.