The Pickering Post
Wednesday, 26th September 2018

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THE PARTY'S OVER

... it's time to call it a day

Renny Carter

Renny Carter, 53, is an old journo and one of the Liberal Party's faceless men, who has opinions on anything and everything in contemporary life.

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I know some of you think I'm a bit of a 'Merchant Banker' but when it comes to people I'm rarely wrong. This is what 60 odd years on this earth does for you. You finally get the wisdom.

I've had a good look at Clive Palmer. I've studied the bastard from all angles and in all situations, which we can do these days with the help of wonderful mediums like You Tube. And the bottom line findings of my in-depth research is that Clive should NOT be where Clive IS! He should not be at the tiller of big business and he most assuredly should not be in Canberra.

If Clive belongs in Canberra my friends, then I belong in a very big brain surgery theatre with lots of knives and things that go 'beep'.

I will also say at this juncture that Lambie does not belong there either. In a commission home in Tassie maybe or running a drop-in centre perhaps, but not running anything - even a desk - in Canberra. Why you ask? Coz the bugger’s well out of her depth. Anyone who says "I wanna be 'Proime Minster' of this country", having been in the place for 5 minutes, should be given the widest berth possible. She should be avoided like a Baptist spinster aunt wanting to warn you about boys.

Clive I'm afraid is just a big wobbly buffoon. In fact if you looked up the word 'buffoon' there would be a picture of Clive beside it. Everything is wrong about the man. From his wardrobe to his gait. His eyes are all wrong. His speech is all wrong. His stomach is most certainly all wrong.

His wife does not even look right with him. And he cannot sustain a stream of thought and put it out there coherently and succinctly. Plus, he uses his own language. I mean by that, words he has made up himself which appear in no Concise Oxford. This might work well in some places but it doesn't everywhere else. Clive is a bumbling, stuttering blusterer of a man I'm sad to say. And as such he should not be in Parliament.

Everything about Clive is wrong. He proved he can't even turn up to Parliament House in his own car and get away with it. Why? Because any serious politician wanting to make a point about doing away with 'Gumment' Comcars would have the common sense to turn up in a Holden or a Ford, or even a Toyota or a bleeding taxi. But not a bloody great big old Rolls Royce with him sat in the back seat looking like John Kerr. Which I might add broke down at the front door and the driver had to jack it up for half a day - much to the amusement of the Gumment car drivers.

Clive cannot even sit in Parliament and get away with it. He goes to sleep. With his tie to one side and his belly hanging out. It's a bad look to sleep in Parliament when you are earning heaps from our sweat and confidence in you. We expect our pollies to at least be alert for Chrissakes. But not Clive.

The other rather unnerving thing about Clive is his business. While the Chinese don't trust him after his gaff about invasion, I think they are probably justified in their rather harsh assessment of him. Clive is unnervingly dodgy. The original Dodgy brother.

Clive doesn't have a face you could trust. And his sales spiel is wonky. I want you to remember I said this, but I have a feeling deep down that Clive's world is going to come tumbling down one day because it really was all smoke and mirrors. The billions will ‘poof’ into a red bank balance.

Looking at 'Cloive' is like looking into the eyes of a Russian oligarch. OK until the bastard smiles and you realise that above the Saville Row suit he has a 24 carat grill, the desired impression of corporate greatness ruined by the Vodka laced gangster grin.

And then there's the resort. A screaming success he says - a critique not shared by its employees who say the place hasn't seen a minibus full of guests since... well, before their time. See, nobody wants to stay at a place where there are plastic dinosaurs all over the place. You look out at the Coolum Greens and there's a bloody great Tyrannosaurus Rex grinning at you from behind a palm(er) tree. Nuts!

Oh those words. Yes. Well, try these on for size... delivered during his fabulously frenzied and dyslexic election campaign which, with 'Cloive', hasn't ended yet.

Clive's mangling of the English language transcends even Joe Bjelke Petersen's whose mastery at stating the unbelievable set an enduring benchmark at the time.

In one paragraph of a speech he said "I am standing to be the next Prime Minister of Australia." And then in his next sentence said, "I'm not doing it to become Prime Minister", which hopefully went right over the heads of the Clive supporters.

There's not a lot of difference between a 'Cloive' supporter and a Hansen supporter. He went on to say in another unsolicited moment when the cameras were on, "Now is the time for Australia to claim back itself." I'm not sure I get that one to be honest. Clive is the only man I know who speaks in typos. "You should not be too detached to property" was another gem followed by, "That's what happens to Corpany (sic) Directors."

Asked what he thought of the reportage about his ongoing tenure, he said, "The 'storings' get boring and boring every day." Beautifully put don't you think?

I haven't mentioned the Titanic. Why? Because like most things with Clive, it is plain nuts. The Titanic, Clive, was a disaster that killed 1517 people. Which is why it is still where it is. A grave site. Why would anyone announce an intention to build a replica of a riveted marine failure which was, up until that time, the worst marine disaster in the free world and believe that the world would pay huge money to be a guest on it again...especially in cattle class which he wants to recreate in all of its proletariat classlessness! Like I said - crazy! 

So now we have this bloody rabble in the Senate who think it is all about them. Lambie's on a roll but hasn't got the faintest clue where it will end.

The motoring bloke hasn't said a word of any import in three months and 'Cloive' only turns up when the canteen is closed anyways.

Now I know you 'Cloive' supporters are out there. "Righto smartarse" you are asking "when exactly did you know that 'Cloive' was not 'roight?" I remember the moment exactly - as though it had just happened. He was campaigning. Which meant he had turned up at something. A theme park actually. And while he regaled us with 'Cloive' speak interspersed with Nixon-esque thumbs ups every two feet, he shovelled a hot dog and a bucket of chips down his neck while his belly became even more visible, dropping free from the restraint of tortured buttons.

The man is not a pretty eater. But even that didn't finish me with 'Cloive'. That came when one of his aides shoved another 'Family' bucket of fries into his chubby paws for the drive home - a 'traveller' I believe is the term - which he slammed down while trying to end his Ali-like diatribe to a fascinated and disgusted media.  I rolled my eyes. And I haven't stopped rolling ‘em yet.



Comments

The beast summary of 'Cloive' I have ever read. Brilliantly accurate and entertaining too.

Buy shares in Lithium production . I can assure you, supply and demand in our Governments alone will assure the investment.

The Chinese don't forget or forgive.

The polls asked by PP should have a "Who Cares" option.

Yeah I've got to admit that Clive had me going for a while. I joined PUP, but 3 weeks into the campaign I realised that the party was a policy vacuum and so I resigned. I've been proven right. PUP is all about Clive and his attempt to hold the balance of power. The problem is that we desperately need a new conservative party that will ditch the left's sacred policies ie multiculturalism, reconciliation, homosexual marriage, the republic and renewable energy.

on the contrary, I always thought the kennel-meister was a merchant banker.

Renny, the only thing I can say is that you have way more interest in writing about CP than I do.
Maybe he will amount to something in parliament and maybe not. Time will tell.
I wish Lambie well as she would get further up the nose of the "perfect" lefties than their collective thumbs in their bumholes.
She might be open to coersion but will be as stubborn as hell when it comes to Bull Shitten and the Greens trying it on with her. I hope she makes them formulate a total attack plan against her as it means that she's doing something for the people rather than the party.

Renny, I just hope one day to be as perfect as you. Our current pollies are hell bent on selling our country out to a Communist Government not Chinese companies, maybe we should look at what decisions are being made and what kickbacks our current major party pollies are organising for their retirement(directorships etc).,

"I suspect that much of what you say is true and without a doubt many of the armchair warriors here have an awful lot to say about nothing led by disgraceful cup reporters like our friend Renny here! This whole article falls into the schoolyard bully category. I am amazed that LP would countenance this sort of garbage on his site!"

Jezus 'Blow Jo' - you don't let up do you? A 'disgraceful cup reporter.' I'm not sure what one of those is. Do you mean cub? Well - I did my cadetship over 35 years ago - so I think I just might be past the cub stage.

But I tell ya what Jo - I'm a reasonable man - let's just say that Clive Palmer is one of the most wonderful visionaries who has ever set foot in the House of Reps., that his vision for Coolum is one of strategic savvy that no mere mortal could get their head around, that he is not a fat man - but merely has acquired programmed bulk to make sure he is seen in a sea of ridiculous Liberal would be's, - his articulation - like yours Jo - is so clever that it is beyond complete schoolyard, armchair bullies like me and that he should be Prime Minister. Tony Abbott and his ilk should all be taken out and shot and Clive left to run the country as you wish. There - do ya feel a bit better now?

Renny, i hear where you are coming from, but the major mistakes parties all have a well documented proven track record of betraying their own supporters repeatedly.

From ABC ONLINE: "West Australian police have confirmed the Major Fraud Squad is investigating allegations about the federal Member for Fairfax, Clive Palmer.

Chinese mining company Citic alleges Mr Palmer spent $10 million of its money on his election campaign, with a further $2.167 million being funnelled to other areas."

mate why don't you go onto your beloved ABC blog and spew your venom and leave us in peace or do we go onto the ABC Blog and dish it back to you fools. I tell you TA can conduct himself 100% better than that screaming shrew Bill Shorten whenever he speaks he thinks he is addressing his union buddies. Another Labour loser. It'll get worse for him when the woman he raped puts him before a court. That must be the type of man you look up too. He wont want to talk about violence against women because he will be seen once again as a hypocrite. Shorten is the one with the screw loose look at when he addresses a crowd, we cringe with embarrassment.

Latest news from Canberra, Cloive has tried to reconcile with Ms Lunchbox over their differences. A meeting was arranged with his driver to pick both of them up for a private meeting in his car away from the media. Unfortunately for Ms Lunchbox, Cloive ate a chilli-curry burito before the meeting and, while trying to move the cheeks of his arse into the car he farted which rendered Ms Lunchbox unconscious. Latest news is that local paramedics are working to revive Ms.Lunchbox

And still no word from our very disappointingly and surprisingly gutless PM about urgently needed reforms to the electoral process.

The destruction of democracy in Australia that started with Tony Abbott becoming leader of the LNP just continues.

I fear nothing will change until we get rid of Toxic Tony and his poisonous masters and servants.

Clive is certifiably insane ( recreate the titanic, a jurasic park golf course,his current behaviour),then again most politicians are ,could this be a new way to sweep the govt clean; have them all certified insane.

..it's turned into a circus.

..a very very poor reflection on the intellect of the Australian voter.

Thanks to the Coalition dumbing down our politics to shock jock radio level

Move on and stop making a fool of yourself with your schoolyard posts!

59096 - Just put it all in writing to CP's office and publish a copy here so we can see you are serious about wishing him dead. By the way, save CP some time by noting the details of your lawyer in the letter so the paperwork can be served!

G2 - Cheap shots and cowardice seems to make up the bulk of your shoe size IQ reflected in your pitiful responses.
59096 17 hours ago
With any luck the fat pig will drop dead
Fits in nicely with your grubby outlook G2!

I can't imagine Lambie sending out a message "Oi would like to wish youse Muslims aroun' the world a happy Ramoidin".