THE PANTRY AND THE FRONT BOTTOM
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
This is secret blokes’ stuff, so if you ladies want to avoid offence you had better go make a cuppa now. Okay fellas, I’ve had my fair share of sheilas, (I’m fast running out of broodmares now ‘tho) but I’ve always thought that package-care was a critical part of courting. I mean you should show a modicum of respect and at least spend a little time tidying up the old tackle.
Even if she likes the light off, there’s nothing worse than listening to her spitting pubes all night.
Anyway, most sheilas have meticulously groomed front bottoms with cute little creative patterns or even full-on Brazilians but many don’t bother... especially vegetarian Green sheilas who don’t wear makeup and have never seen a bottle of perfume.
They prefer the au naturel, organic, cavewoman style with hair down to the inside of their knees and up to their belly button with long black ones well rooted in their knockers. Well, I certainly don’t prefer that!
There’s nothing worse than arriving back at her joint after dinner and an expensive wine, ready for a torrid first session only to be faced with a wild bunch of unkempt pubes you could knit a bloody mohair jumper out of... and having to share the bed with a labrador who keeps looking at you funny with his head on the side.
So here’s the tip; stay away from Green sheilas with labradors, that’s the first thing! Second thing is to head straight for her pantry as soon as you arrive home. If it’s a mess you can be certain her front bottom will be the same... guaranteed and without exception!
You can then escape with, “Oh dear, my mother just died and I really should go”.
It’s true! Not that your mother just died, but that every woman cares for her pantry to the same extent she cares for her front bottom. So it’s better to be forewarned.
If the peanut butter is stacked on a lidless vegemite, the marmalade is mouldy, the sugar is crusty and little moths are flitting between shelves, just get the hell out of there!
A meticulous pantry means a meticulous front bottom.
Go check it out!