The Pickering Post
Tuesday, 12th December 2017

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THE PANTRY AND THE FRONT BOTTOM

Larry Pickering

Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.

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This is secret blokes’ stuff, so if you ladies want to avoid offence you had better go make a cuppa now. Okay fellas, I’ve had my fair share of sheilas, (I’m fast running out of broodmares now ‘tho) but I’ve always thought that package-care was a critical part of courting. I mean you should show a modicum of respect and at least spend a little time tidying up the old tackle.

Even if she likes the light off, there’s nothing worse than listening to her spitting pubes all night.

Anyway, most sheilas have meticulously groomed front bottoms with cute little creative patterns or even full-on Brazilians but many don’t bother... especially vegetarian Green sheilas who don’t wear makeup and have never seen a bottle of perfume.

They prefer the au naturel, organic, cavewoman style with hair down to the inside of their knees and up to their belly button with long black ones well rooted in their knockers. Well, I certainly don’t prefer that!

There’s nothing worse than arriving back at her joint after dinner and an expensive wine, ready for a torrid first session only to be faced with a wild bunch of unkempt pubes you could knit a bloody mohair jumper out of... and having to share the bed with a labrador who keeps looking at you funny with his head on the side.

So here’s the tip; stay away from Green sheilas with labradors, that’s the first thing! Second thing is to head straight for her pantry as soon as you arrive home. If it’s a mess you can be certain her front bottom will be the same... guaranteed and without exception!

You can then escape with, “Oh dear, my mother just died and I really should go”.

It’s true! Not that your mother just died, but that every woman cares for her pantry to the same extent she cares for her front bottom. So it’s better to be forewarned.

If the peanut butter is stacked on a lidless vegemite, the marmalade is mouldy, the sugar is crusty and little moths are flitting between shelves, just get the hell out of there!

A meticulous pantry means a meticulous front bottom.

Go check it out!



Comments

Is that HALAL vegemite I see in that pantry

Classic Pickering! Well done!

Larry - you are a legend - what fuckin bewdy. Havent laughed so much for ages. Your right about chicks who are Greenies, lefties, nature lovers, save the whale (are we still saving the whale?), make love not war etc...... they all stink like vinegar and have the hairiest pair of saddle bags hanging down from their muck pits. And as for Obelix - you are brilliant. Thanks for the laughs guys.

agree Bruce.

What about Jacqui Lunchbox,they call it the black-forrest pudding.

Come on guys Larry posted a warning of do not enter if easily offended, if you came in an had a peek then did not like what you saw, you have no right to complain. Larry I am going that bad at present old son, I will take that Greenie with the labrador on without complaint.

I have only just been able to get back on PP. LOL you put this together so well Larry. Not at all offended.

Hilarious!! If you take offence to that, then get a life and have a laugh once in a while.

Funny stuff Laz. Relax guys.....it's call humour....remember that stuff.........

Old men are sad at the best of times but this has reached peak sad old man. I am in favour of culling all single menopausal women - the Gillard Process - but old men come a close second in the Logan's Run stakes. And this is why.

I just hope that Larry was totally pissed when he wrote this rubbish - not that that's an excuse, more of an explanation. Agree 100% with matio's comments below

Diddums, at first I thought along same lines as you, but really it is just male interaction. I have four sons and I have heard it all. Let it go. I think a lot of the comments and cartoons about Gillard were a lot worse than the pantry business.

OK folks, move along, nothing to see here....

But gillard's not a natural readhead. what's with the flashes of rusty steel wool? lol

It's not that I find it so offensive, but terribly crass and unfunny, and incredibly pointless. Whether true or not, who cares? It's kindergarten stuff. But more seriously, this will be used to discredit Larry and any others brave enough to speak out on the scandals that are awu/gillard and halal certification and even global warming (you know, those who represent the silent majority) and also any of their followers. They will use it to undermine the important messages - they already try it now but this is the piece de resistance that will be trotted out to show us all as rotten apples not to be taken seriously. It shows either LP has no political nous or he doesn't believe the rest of what he says. Taking the time to do a series on halal certification and then undermining it with this?

Larry....Puleese. This so beneath you.

Thanks Larry, it is so nice to step away from all this Muslim crap for a day or so and have a bit of Aussie humour. If any of you out there can't laugh at this then there is no hope for you.

Hi, Tomo......Tomo........Tomo...................Tomo......................tomo..............................tom....................................to............................................t........................... O!!

Sorry Larry... you've gone right over the top here.. ..get your act together buddy else you won't have a blog if you continue along this line!

Tomorrow's another day folks.. just let's suck it up and move on perhaps?