SCOTTY MORRISON IS A CRUSTY YOUNG CHRISTIAN
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
The arcane Scotty Morrison is slowly firming to replace Tony Abbott but he doesn’t really want the poison chalice of a recalcitrant Senate right now and is keeping his powder dry. But he may be drafted (forced) into a depleted field of contenders.
Morrison has the religious qualifications to be a Lib Party pick, not Catholic, but still respectably religious within the Pentecostal flock after a fling with the Uniting Church. He’s definitely a good boy with no skeletons in the cupboard like having punched a wall 35 years ago or anything like that, so he will throw an immaculate hat in the ring when the time comes.
He is currently active within the more athletically inclined “Shirelive” congregation (pictured).
Pentecostals are an odd bunch. They even believe in the Old Testament and stuff but foremost in their Statement of Faith are instructions handed down from the book of Leviticus:
• Lev. 18:6-18, don't uncover the nakedness of various relatives.
• Lev. 18:19, don't have sexual relations with woman on her period
• Lev. 18:20, don't have intercourse with your neighbour's wife
• Lev. 18:21, don't sacrifice children to idols
• Lev. 18:22, don't lie with a male as with a female
• Lev. 18:23 don't have intercourse with animals
Well, Scotty shouldn’t have too much trouble with those rules, although it depends on whether his neighbour’s wife is hot or not.
But Pentecostals also have some very funny rules about not eating shellfish and other odd things taken from the Hebrew handbook.
So oysters and lobsters are out and he won’t be chucking too many prawns on the barbie, but should aspiring to all these Old Testament oddities inhibit his leadership ambitions? I’ve been taking the juicy odds on Morrison for a while now (if you hunt around you can still get 9/1).
The frontbench bible-bashing Trinity of Abbott, Andrews and Morrison, with Pyne as the choirboy, is an irresistible target for the atheistic ABC and Fairfax.
Although Abbott is the most pragmatic of the trio, Morrison has been known to dump Leviticus in return for a few votes: “What are we going to do about multiculturalism?” he was reported asking Cabinet. “What are we going to do about concerns about the number of Muslims who won’t integrate?”
Hmmm, considering almost every illegal arrival was a Muslim, he was wisely told to talk about “boat people” rather than “Muslims”.
And Andrews? Well you can forget all about little Kev, he’s lost in the fog of Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians, while collecting his $200 vouchers for healing broken marriages.
My brother, who was addicted to an equally odd religion, also healed broken marriages for a fee. He insisted the husband watch while he gave the wife a good ol’ rogering.
It seems I missed out on quite a bit when I decided against becoming a man of the cloth.
Morrison can dress to the Right when it’s politically convenient but somehow I just can’t get my head around him swaying with his arms in the air, watching the laying on of hands and the speaking in tongues. His Pentecostal Church has a close affiliation with Hillsong.
To be honest I couldn’t give a flying fornication what my prime minister gets up to in church (with the exception of sacrificing children of course) but I do care what he gets up to in Office.
Maybe I’m bonkers but, although he’s a hot favourite, I believe Malcolm Turnbull can never lead the Libs again and if he did get that chance it would mean the end of the Liberal Party.
Julie Bishop is not ready, so that leaves Morrison and Abbott.
Abbott is not a falling-on-sword type so he is determined to withstand the relentless, biassed bile from Fairfax and the ABC and be remembered as the valiant captain who went down with his ship.
The problem is there could be an awful lot of passengers who will go down with him.
A Captain Morrison would more likely stay on the ship and start bloody bailing.