R.S.V.P. WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER TONY
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
Poor Tony Burke’s 20-year marriage was threadbare but there was a tasty little piece of fluff in his office perfect for bedding. She was the mail girl, ex-GetUP, a global warmist, dedicated Green advocate, lover of everything Left and her husband had just shot through. Poor Tony could hardly conceal his woody.
According to one person who knows her well, Skye Laris is a bit of an airhead and, like Tony, would be prepared to swap her grief-stricken feelings for the poor for a first-class seat at the pointy end of a Qantas 747 to anywhere.
Of course to get all this on a swindle docket, where the taxpayer foots the bill, poor Tony had to come out of the closet in 2012 to declare his undying love for his new “spouse”. Now everything that satisfied the hormonal flushes of both was on the public purse. Ripper!
With the kids of both parties combined it made for an avalanche of first-class expenses that would have embarrassed Donald Trump.
I reckon I could have snaffled Khloe Kardashian with what Tony was offering.
There is little doubt that the expensive couple have gone through the best part of a million bucks in the past three years... and that’s enough to have put every Sydney street kid up at the Hilton for six months.
Oh well, the poor and needy are easily forgotten at 33,000 ft with a belly full of culinary delights and fine wines when retiring to a first-class bed compartment on the way to a dozen tourist spots.
When Tony and his impressionable accomplice arrived at their first five-star European penthouse and Tony had just run the first bubble bath to immerse his newfound "love" in, it’s to be hoped he said a small prayer for his struggling constituents in the seat of Watson before he poured the contents of a $500 bottle of 1996 Dom Perignon over Ms Laris’ naked body.
Surely there was a slight socialist pang of guilt after lapping the last of the Champagne from Ms Laris’ private parts and laying her to rest on the pristine sheets of the four-poster for a night of wild bonking?
Nah... pangs of guilt are not for our Tony. Least of all when it comes to killing Bronwyn Bishop over the cost of a helicopter ride.
Right wing commentator, Andrew Bolt apologised to Bronwyn: “I was naive”, said Bolt, “How unfair that you alone were held to a standard no one else need meet.”
Hmmm true, but Andrew, you should have directed your anguish toward Tony Abbott for failing to support her. He knew exactly what her assassin Tony Burke had been up to for years... and so had everyone else in Parliament.
A $5,000 helicopter trip looked cheapskate when compared to how Tony Burke was relentlessly fleecing the public purse. But it was Tony Abbott’s cowardice in confronting the inequity alone that forced Bronwyn’s resignation.
When Ms Laris eventually tires of Mr Burke’s now restricted largesse and shoots through to Greener pastures, he might like to call Fairfax’s R.S.V.P. dating service.
I’m sure as one of the ALP true believers they will knock off $5 for an introduction.