Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
G.P: “Listen Frank, I’m applying to the Vatican for asylum.”
Papa: “What’s the problem my son?
G.P: “I’m fleeing persecution, I need a job Frank. I’ve saved us a bloody fortune down under but I’ve dirtied me nappy. I can’t do mass any more, the buggers won’t even let me say grace! I’m a bloody cardinal for Christ’s sake, Frank!”
Papa: “Settle down George, settle down. How much have you saved us?”
G.P: “Bloody millions mate, millions. But can you imagine what it’s like being interrogated in a Royal Commission into Child Abuse?”
Papa: “Child abuse George? Why the hell didn’t you just move to another parish?”
G.P: “No, No, Not me Frank! It’s Oz mate, they got more kiddy fiddlers than kangaroos down there and I ran out of parishes to send ‘em to.”
Papa: “Goodness me, George, what can I do?”
G.P: “Just give me a job as your adviser Frank, I’ve got to front that damned Commission again tomorrow and I’ve told them I’ll be holed up here and can only appear via video link.”
Papa: “Okay, but what are you going to advise me on?”
G.P: “Well, this celibacy stuff is really hurting us bad mate, the clergy are chasing stray cats and the Muslims are shagging us out of existence. I mean some priests I know haven’t had a shag for months! I reckon you should bring in an edict, just for a trial run, where we pollinate all the nuns.”
Papa: “That’s outrageous George! How in the hell will we be able to crack a woody over a nun? I s’pose the choir boys would be happy about it ‘tho. Look, can we talk about this tomorrow George?”
G.P: “Okay, have I got refugee status then? I’ve lots more ripper ideas?”
Papa: “Have you tried the Ecuadorean Embassy, George?”