OH, DEAR ME Ms BISHOP
Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.
Oh dear me, Ms Bishop
Dad has only just got home. He’s on detention for a year this time but I’m worried we won’t have him for this Christmas ‘cos he got into another awful fight with Mr Fahkhaed next door.
Dad had his “Make America Great Again” placard and Mr Fahkhaed had his “Stronger Together” sign and Dad got him a beauty on the side of his head. But Mr Fahkhaed went and got his four wives so he would be stronger together and they certainly were. They all sat on Dad while Mr Fahkhaed bashed him.
Mum called the police because Dad was uncoscn, unconcs... he was out cold but they put handcuffs on poor Dad anyway and told Mr Fahkhaed and his wives to go home. “It wasn’t fair! It was five against one” I told the policeman. Well it was actually five against one and a half ‘cos I was on Mr Fahkhaed’s back hanging on to his beard.
“This is the fourth time we’ve had trouble with your Dad”, said the policeman. That’s true because the third time was when Dad chucked all that halal food at the Fahkhaeds while they were praying on our front lawn with no pants on, just to annoy us, and one of his wives still hasn’t found that block of Bega cheese yet.
Anyway they arrested Dad again because they said it was a cultural thing with the Fahkhaeds but what they are really angry about is that Dad had trained one of our pet piglets to jump the fence and it mated with Mr Fahkhaed’s nanny goat and now Mr Fahkhaed is really angry ‘cos all the kidlets have got curly tails, and Mr Fahkhaed won’t eat anything with a curly tail, so he is demanding Dad pay for a DNA test so he can sue him. Dad told him to, “Go get (rude word) you sand monkey”... and now he has got a please explain letter from Gillian Triggs!
Goodness me Ms Bishop, can you please get my Dad out of jail before Christmas? Honestly, we would move to another suburb but we can only get $14 for our house on Ebay and that’s an offer from Mr Fahkhaed’s brother.
Christmas time should be a time of happiness and family love but the only love going on right now is between our piglet and Mr Fahkhaed’s goat.
I have written to Mr Trump to tell him if Dad was an American he would have voted for him and I asked him if he would make East Malvern great again, but I know that’s a tall order now with all these mosques going up.
Do you think poor Mr Abbott could help?
Aged eight and three quarters
P.S. Golly, I hope I don't get a letter from Ms Triggs now.