NEWS IN A TIME WARP
...by the way the cartoon is apropos of nothing
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
I was on a gurney being wheeled into a forbidding theatre. I stretched to see a wall clock that showed 3.20. “This will help you relax”, said an anaesthetist shoving some pink stuff on my tongue. I figured this would be a good time to review my atheist status. Hmmm, not likely.
A few days earlier I was having a heated discussion with doctors and surgeons over how a tennis ball sized lung tumour could possibly be the result of smoking when cancer has been around for tens of thousands of years and smoking only 150 years. “Oh well”, said one doctor, “we tell everyone to give up smoking anyway.”
Are you f***ing crazy, Pickering? These blokes are going to be separating your heart arteries from one bung lung in a couple of days and you’re picking a bloody fight with them?
I was being shaken, “You’re in ICU, how do you feel” asked someone. “Shithouse”, I replied. Another wall clock was showing 12.00, but I had no idea whether it was noon or midnight, and I tried to move... “ouch”. “From 1 to 10, how would you rate the pain?” asked a nurse. “About 37.75”, I replied.
I am allergic to most narcotics so I was trying to find a balance between hands full of Panadol and retching nausea that seemed to be popping rows of stiches.
Days drifted by with the TV showing mostly the US elections. A priest wandered in and wanted to know if he could pray for me. “No thanks mate. Bloody hell, do I look that crook?”
They woke me every hour or so for pills and tests, it was a nightmare, that is until I woke to find one nurse washing my feet and another washing my donger rather vigorously, "I spose a shag's out of the question?" I asked (tongue in cheek of course). I won't be asking that again 'cos they both quickly left.
I recall a TV report that the original sufferer of Zika's microcephaly, the prince of Pyongyang, had launched an ICBM. I was having moments of crystal clarity and moments of complete confusion.
How could this cartoon character achieve this in isolation, even from China?
Hang on, for years Iranian observers have attended each demonstration of North Korea’s kindergarten nuclear games. Obama was unaware of this and was far too busy constructing a deal, after he left Office of course, whereby Iran could develop the bomb to consider such a strange alliance. But is it really a strange alliance when two rogue States with nuclear intentions pool their limited knowledge?
I couldn’t see the TV, as I was confined to lying on my right side, I could only hear it... Trump is all the rage but only against his Republican contestants. If Hillary can stay out of jail she will be the Democrat’s nominee as her only opponent is the kibbutz kid, that leftover commo from the cold war.
The trouble is that polling suggests Trump cannot beat Clinton, only Cruz or Rubio can. Anyway will the Republican machinery, with ample delegate votes still to play with, really hand their beloved ‘Grand Ol’ Party’ over to a bloke like Trump. It's doubtful, so interesting stuff ahead!
Bill Clinton is looking forward to four more years in the White House with his wife wearing the pants and half the female staff not bothering to wear wear any. It’s the body language that tells the story... when Hillary gives Bill the obligatory awkward embrace she puts her left hand on his back, two quick taps is the signal to, “Get your hands of me, you slimy grub.”
Of course Tony Abbott can never regain the top job here but the dirty hatchet job the media did on him is becoming clearer. Speaker Bronwyn Bishop’s choppergate which set taxpayers back $5,000 was the tipping point for Abbott’s demise but there was no mention of the treacherous Julie Bishop’s $30,000 chartered trip to Perth and then back to Canberra to avoid the one class red eye for her and her new Mr Wonderful boyfriend.
The media also made no mention of the Opposition’s Tony Burke’s three month jaunt around the world with his office mail girl Senate Estimates estimated at around $400,000.
I reported here last year that Joe Hockey’s $20,000 deduction for small businesses would result in higher employment figures around Christmas. When those figures eventuated the media scribes put it down to an "inexplicable anomaly". Abbott has received no credit for many bold initiatives Turnbull could never dream of.
Anyway I’m back home now trying to regain 30k lost weight. My little boy couldn't visit me in hospital because he got too upset when he had to leave. (He was confined to that hospital with a bowel problem so he knows what it's like. Now I'm home he's decided to sleep next to me each night.)
A big thankyou to all who kept the blog and Facebook going.
I had a meeting with the hospital oncologists yesterday about a course of chemo (Hmmm that's not likely either). They gave me the encouraging news that I've got a 10% chance of makin' the year out without chemo ... but only 10% chance of the chemo even workin’ ... Hmmmm, they give crook odds at that hospital... so I think I’ll find another one.
In the meantime I have to figure out how to explain it all to my little boy and his gorgeous older sister. But from her awkward questions she appears to already understand as her close friend recently lost her dad from the same thing.
Oh well, shit happens.