IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THE COOPERATIVE
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
Once upon a time the Poms joined a Farmers’ and Producers’ co-op, and it was good, with a healthy exchange of ideas and products.
Now, 50 years later, it has devolved into a Nimbin style festival with a healthy exchange of hooch and bare breasted girlfriends.
We were all there in the seventies and the free smokes, tucker and a permanent smorgasbord of sunburnt sheilas were great.
Somehow we all grew out of it once we realised there was a real world out there with fair dinkum exchange rates and things that needed dealing with...except for a few wrinkly diehards in tattered rainbow coloured saris who are still on the hooch and still swapping their pensioner girlfriends.
The problem was that some of the clanspeople didn’t contribute as much to the commune as others. Oh, they were keen to partake of the hooch and others’ girlfriends all right but weren’t as keen to share their joint or their partner's hammock with anyone.
Also they didn’t help water the communal hooch garden or contribute organic vegetables to the nightly hotpot or flog wind chimes to tourists.
Eventually many in the commune got the shits and wanted out so they could live in proper committed relationships without sex and get on to the NHS.
They felt the world had sort of moved on from the experimental free lovin’ hippie phase.
So they decided to have a vote.
Incredibly all the Left leaning hippies, who indulged in more than their fair share of the hooch wanted to stay in the commune and all the Conservative members wanted out.
The trouble was it was the Conservative members who did most of the contributing so the lazy Left members wanted them to stay. Otherwise they would be eating non organic veggies again and the communal goat would get mastitis because there would be no-one around to milk it.
Also the Right leaning members would always crap a fair way from the tents but the Lefties would do a dump where everyone trod in it and that caused many arguments within the group.
The Lefties wanted all these strange people to join the commune while the Right was concerned that they wouldn’t fit in.
You see, they had heard that these strange people followed this funny religious cult that demanded peoples’ heads be removed if they were gay. And bugger me, half the bloody commune was either gay or had a thing goin’ with the goat!
No-one saw the need for decapitation but the Left was convinced they could educate the strangers in nicer manners so they would eventually contribute to the commune.
Then they would be making and selling wind chimes and clay pots that paid for stuff like cigarette papers, bongs and sanitary pads. But they were nearly all blokes without girlfriends to share.
The vote was expected to be very close despite the thousands of strangers who were already on their way and determined to impose these new rules on the commune.
It was a stressful time for everyone... especially the goat.