DON’T KILL ANYTHING UNLESS YOU INTEND TO EAT IT, MR JOKO
... or maybe you do
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
J.BISHOP: Foreign Minister here, put me through to Joko Widodo please.
J. WIDODO: Ah, Ms Bishop, I much hoping you are very well. What I can do for you?
J. BISHOP: Well, you can put those two Australians on a plane back to here instead of shooting them please.
J. WIDODO: Ah, Ms Bishop you are too late, I must support very much the intergity of our Islamic judicial system. Death row problem very, very expensive to fix.
J.BISHOP: You can’t even spell the word integrity you scrawny little wanker, now put those two on a plane or I’ll be over there tomorrow to shove one of your shiny floral shirts right up your floppy little clacker!
J. WIDODO: Ah, Ms Bishop, you know I stop playing sex games now I become President. Anyway, why not you fix this problem at police stage? Only $A50,005 each then. Even at court stage only $1,000,005 each. But Ms Bishop, at death row stage... ooh very, very expensive intergity now.
J.BISHOP: How expensive?
J. WIDODO: How $A20,000,005 sound... each of course, Ms Bishop?
J. Bishop: That’s outrageous!
J.WIDODO: Oh, Ms Bishop, you so outside the loop... we use 10 per cent of all um, “donations” to get our criminals off death row and on a plane home from other participating Islamic countries.
J. BISHOP: How come we got nothing when we sent all your people smugglers back?
J.WIDODO: Oh, Ms Bishop, you not a participating Islamic country, not yet!
J.BISHOP: So, $A20,000,005 each eh? What’s the bloody $5 for?
J.WIDODO: Oh, Ms Bishop, we need a little something for your AFP, a sort of “spotters fee” I think you call it.
J.BISHOP: Okay so I’ll get Peta Credlin to pay you $A40,000,010, we can become a participating Islamic country and you’ll put the boys on the next plane home?
J.WIDODO: Ooooh yes Ms Bishop, I fix now, lovely to do business with you, bye bye Ms Bishop.
Ms BISHOP: Get me Peta on the line!
P. CREDLIN: Yes Julie?
Ms BISHOP: Take another $A400,000,010 off Joko’s foreign aid account will you?