Dinosaurs, pink rollers and a dumb fat fella!
Don Smith
Don is no-nonsense bloke with a background in the arts and business. He pens unique Aussie banter and has an interest in all things controversial
You have obviously seen the revelations in last week’s Oz that dear old Clive O’Saurus has quietly resigned as a director from his flagship company Mineralogy. Wonder why that is?
One should also note that in the same journal it was revealed that the same rotund gentleman has lost a court case in regard to his dealings with the 80 time share villa owners at the Palmer Coolum resort.
The great one has been trying to squeeze out the lease holders and buy them out at way under current market value.....Would such a warm, wonderful generous man like Clive stoop to such a thing? ...Sure would!!
Anyway back to Mineralogy. Well the Chinese are not stupid, their claim that he has ripped off $12 million is not just fantasy land stuff...the books have been cooked say the chooks. What’s more, they say that Clive used the money to fund the PUP’s election campaign. Now as I said, they are not stupid, they are not going after him so that they can just look stupid and “lose face”. That is not the oriental way. They smell blood and lots of it.
Let’s face it, the funny fat fella has thrown a heap of shit at them over the past three years and they are not going to let him forget that either!
Now if Clive has been a naughty boy it could be the end of his political career pretty quick. So desperate is Clive that he has come out and tried to do a doozy of a deal with the Qld Government in exchange for dropping a law suit against them. Gee, Clive why do that? You reckoned you had ‘em on toast and that they were a bunch of crooks.
Well I guess you’re going to have to explain that to the CMC because that bunch of crooks decided that your little deal might get them into a shit load of trouble. Gee Clive, did you really “go off your brain” when Seeney said no deal, pick a box! Heck Clive that’s not like you!
However it’s common knowledge that the smelter is in deep dredge and will have auditors all over it pretty soon. So where will that leave Clive?
It’s also no secret that the Coolum resort is in shitters’ ditch as well and it’s probably why Clive is happy to suggest that it’s okay for a government to run at a loss because it’s the only way he knows how to run things.
Clive’s way of doing business is to buy a good business and strip it of all its worth and walk away. Why should running a government be any different? Even Mike Willesee now reckons Clive O’Saurus is deluded and dangerous and none of his senate members has a clue what they are talking about.
Clive, who likes to be called Professor Palmer, has no real degree but has done a couple of pretty snappy business courses mind you. Firstly he has a certificate IV in Public Self Promotion from the Geoffrey Edelsten Academy of Con.
The flashy cars and planes on the front page of the daily news have the Edelsten Academy all over it.
Then of course he has a diploma from the Chris Skase College of Creative Accounting. It’s pretty obvious where his accounting skills come from. Just ask the fellas from Citi-Corp, they know.
Anyway, Clive cut his business teeth on being part of the White Shoe Brigade on the Gold Coast, Skase was probably his role model. He probably had a picture of Albert Sheinberg on his office wall too.
Well, the smelter is stuffed and the resort is stuffed so Palmer is desperate to hold on to his parliamentary salary.... actually, so is his missus.
But talking about his missus, it was rumoured that Clive O’Saurus wanted to do his Masters in Showmanship at the Edelsten Academy but Mrs O’Saurus put her foot down; “No Masters Degree”, she said to Clive.
“... as much as I want the children to have music lessons, we are not having a pink grand piano in the front parlour!
“Not only that if you think I am driving around town in a pink De-Tomaso you have another think coming, and if you think you are going to drive around town in a pink Pantera, you’re a bigger fool that I thought. The last time you got in a sports car we had to call a crane to get you out!
“Now as for a Pink Bell Jet Ranger out on the front lawn, well remember the last time you went for a ride in a Jet Ranger the overload alarm went off and the flight was aborted.”
Regardless, Clive is going to be up to his eyeballs in sorting out all this crap he has created. He’s far too busy to be worried about pink helicopters and grand pianos. Creating mayhem is fun until it comes back to bite you on the rotund posterior and mayhem may have just bit Clive right on the arse.
You would not only have to be desperate but pretty bloody dumb to actually expect Newman and Seeney to go along with your little plan Clive, or was it all part of your grand plan to prove that they were crooks. Pretty dumb plan from where I sit, Clive.
You told the world you were going to “get” them in no uncertain terms. Guess they saw you coming.
Actually Clive, it’s “speak softly and carry a big stick” not “scream from the rooftops and turn up with a piece of paper”.
I wonder what his next trick will be. Will Clive get his diploma from the Edelsten Academy and turn up at the CMC hearings in a pink roller with a blonde bimbo named Pixie on his arm?
Who knows with Clive, but there is some interesting times ahead. Gee, just when we thought it was going to get boring with Gillard and Rudd gone from the scene, along comes Clive and the dinosaurs and possibly a pink Rolls Royce.
