Dear Mr Turnbull,
Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.
Dear Mr Turnbull, Congratulations on your new poll, but Dad says you can’t win any elections unless you fix the mozzie hello certificate thing and look, we still can’t get more than $14 for our house on Ebay since the Farkhaeds moved in next door.
We’ve been able to keep Dad out of jail so far this year, but it’s not looking good because when Mum gets home from the supermarket, Dad checks all the stuff for hello labels and then he throws them all at the Farkhaeds when they are praying out the front of our house with their burkahs up.
Now we are feeding all the Farkhaed family too. They left a note in our letterbox saying they want more of the Bega cheese, (because one block went missing) and more Tassal smoked salmon and all the wives like that Cadburys, Nescafe and Kraft stuff, but they put the Vegemite back in our letterbox with a note saying, “you are kidding aren’t you”.
Mr Turnbull, we can’t even afford our electricity bill let alone having to feed two families.
And I am in trouble at school again after my show-and-tell photo of Mr Farkhaed’s nanny goat after she got penguin from our pig, (the one that Dad trained to jump the fence). It’s a really funny looking baby something, but my teacher, M Green, (we aren’t allowed to know if she’s a she or a he and we can’t tell anyway) didn’t think it was funny at all, and sent me to see the headmaster, Mr Fahrouk.
Well, Mr Fahrouk was very unhappy with me and said I have to wear a burkah for a month and write an apology to the Farkhaeds. Goodness, when Dad saw me in the burkah he was really angry and took it to school and told Mr Fahrouk to shove it where the sun don’t shine (I think he meant in the cupboard).
Mr Fahrouk then got angry for some reason and chucked a green book at Dad so Dad knocked him out cold.
Golly, I just know when he wakes up the police will be around again to get Dad. And the magistrate always says he must learn to respect mozzie culture. But Dad always tells him to go and get (rude word) so the magistrate doubles his sentence every time.
When Dad gets out he says he’ll apply for a cleaning job at the local mosque and I think that means more trouble because he’s been buying tons of Superglue.
Anyway Mr Turnbull, could you please do something about our electricity bill. Mr Gore’s global warming isn’t working in Melbourne and it’s all right for Mr Farkhaed ‘cos he’s got four wives to keep him warm.
And please fix the hello certificate thing because we can’t afford to keep feeding two families now that Dad will be away for a while, again.
(Aged eight and three quarters)