DEAR Mr TURNBULL,
Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.
I’ve worked out how to stop these terrible terrorist people who live in al-Raqqa. Bombing them just spreads them out everywhere, so could you please tell Mr Obama to stop all this silly bombing... oh hang on, you better tell Mr Putin, he seems to be running things now. This is my really good plan, Mr Turnbull:
I looked in my school atlas and there are only four roads in and out of this al-Raqqa place. So instead of blowing things up (I know you boys love to blow things up) just block all of those four roads so no-one can leave and no-one can get in!
They’ve got no boats and planes, and no-one knows how to fly helicopters, so by the time Christmas is over they will all be getting very, very hungry and they will have run out of bullets. But they’ll be so, so very hungry!
All you will have to do then Mr Turnbull is fire up 100 barbeques around the outside of the city and cook yummy chops, chicken wings, onions, big steaks with jacket potatoes and corn and stuff. Mr Turnbull they will go crazy, the smell will reach everywhere and they will all rush out to see if they can get some of the yummy food.
That’s when you’ve got them Mr Turnbull, ‘cos every barbeque has to have a can of Mortein. And Mortein works really good on mozzies. There will be mozzies on their backs and kicking their feet everywhere.
Then you can wheel all the barbeques into al-Raqqa to feed all the poor women and children.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, Mr Farkhaed’s goat next door finally had its baby and it looks nothing like our pet pig Percy. Phew, that’s a big relief.
But Dad reckons it looks a bit like Mr Farkhhaed, it even has a little beard exactly the same.
Anyway, please ring Mr Putin and tell him about my idea, Mr Turnbull.