DEAR Mr TURNBULL,
Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.
I wonder if me and my Dad could have some of that $4 million you are giving to the Parramatta mosque ‘cos we need to de-radicalise our mum? She got mixed up with Mr Farkhaed’s wives next door and now that we finally got her back she’s all different.
Now she sings funny sorts of songs in the shower that only the dog knows ‘cos he sings along with her. And she says that Dad must walk four metres in front of her... I guess that’s to stop Dad poking fun at her bum, but what’s the point with that black thing on anyway?
She insisted on going to that “His Butt Too Hairy” conference thing on the weekend and she bought all these books on cooking stuff like “Bombe Alaska” and “Bombe British Columbia While You’re At It” recipes. Funny ingredients tho.
Golly, I don’t know Mr Turnbull, how much do you think it will cost to de-radicalise Mum? Dad says $2 million should do it, that’s if we can get a refund on her Syria tickets and if we can get a buyer on eBay for these AK47s.
It’s sort of urgent Mr Turnbull ‘cos Dad could be back in jail as soon as Mr Farkhaed finds out it was our pet pig that got his goat pregnant. She is due in two weeks, crumbs, Dad should never have trained Percy to jump the fence.
At the moment Mum is trying to get my brother Shamus to do a martyr thingy but Shamus isn’t all that keen on it and he reckons it’s not really Mum anyway. Would Mr Farkhaed be that sneaky? If only Mum would let us look under that black thing, then we could be sure.
Oh well, the only good thing so far is that Vegemite and Bega cheese are back on the menu.
Hope you can help.
(and three quarters)