Dear Mr Palmer,
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
You are such a cuddly man...and you can sing too! My Dad says you should get a band. A lap band I think he said, so you’re probably good at lap dancing too!
We just gave my older sister, Maureen, a baby shower. Mum gave her a pair of booties and Aunty Mavis gave her a rattle. She had a holiday at Coolum last August and Dad’s not real happy about it, so he just gave her some dirty looks.
Anyway my Aunty Mavis must like you a lot ‘cos she said she’d like to give you a golden shower. But I don’t think she can afford that, she’s on a pension you know.
My teacher says you might cause everyone to be doubly disillusioned in Canberra but I think they already are. So it can’t be your fault Mr Palmer. And anyway I don’t care what my Mum says, I like you lots. Actually I like everyone lots.
And if you don’t make a good politician Mr Palmer, please don’t worry ‘cos I reckon you’d make a good Father Xmas, and you could afford lots of presents.
Please write and tell me when you’ve made friends with Mr Abbott because my Mum says he can leave his shoes under her bed any time but not when Aunty Mavis is home ‘cos she will kill him, she’s on a pension you know.
Keep your chins up Mr Palmer,
8 (and three quarters)