Dear Mr Abbott
Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.
Dear Mr Abbott,
Can you please help to get my Dad out of jail again. He keeps getting into trouble with the mozzie man who moved in next door. (He calls them mozzies ‘cos he says they sneak up and bite you when you’re not looking.)
Dad didn’t really do much wrong, it’s just that the mozzie man called my dad a "non-mozzie" and Dad got really mad. He said, “I’m not a non anything!”, and that’s when the real argument started.
The mozzie man told Dad to stop Mum from sunbaking in her bikini and that we had to keep our dog inside. Dad told him to get (rude word) and to get a job.
I don’t understand, ‘cos the mozzie man shouldn’t be on his ladder all the time if he doesn’t like to see Mum sunbaking.
Anyway Dad called him a scary man (terror something) and said he should shove his hairy head where the sun don’t shine. I s’pose he meant under our umbrella, but that’s close to where Mum sunbakes. Golly I don’t know.
But I think the most hurtful thing the mozzie man said was that he was enjoying our Vegemite while we were stuck that Dick Smith (rude word).
Then there was an awful argument about hello food and Dad grabbed him by the beard and pulled him over the fence yelling that he was going to hello slaughter him. Crumbs, there was blood everywhere and the lady in the black garbage bag was running around in circles and ringing the police again.
Poor Dad, he says he wants to sell our house now, but there’s a mozzie man on the other side too and the Estate Agent says we might as well donate it to the local mosque.
Anyway Mr Abbott, we need Dad out before Christmas ‘cos he’s trained these three little piglets to jump the fence and he reckons all the mozzie man’s Christmases will come at once.
So Dad obviously wants to make friends with him... I think just for Christmas, ‘tho.
I know not many people are voting for you right now, Mr Abbott, so we both really need my Dad back home.
Aged 8 (and three quarters)