Dear Mr Abbott,
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
My Dad thinks you are terrific and my Mum thinks you are sort of okay. My Aunty Mavis calls you a dreamboat, but Mum says she’s just got oldtimers disease or something.
Anyway my teacher says we have to do an essay on “Abbott’s Crazy PPL Scheme” and I think it’s about making very expensive babies for free and making productivity, um, producing things I think that means.
Dad says it won’t affect Mum ‘cos she’s had a hysterical me, or something. But will all the brainy ladies with tubes really be able to have a free baby and a free holiday and free pay too?
I think that will mean a huge productivity, in babies.
My teacher says you’re just trying to get all the ladies to like you and make free babies, but I’m sure they like their husbands much better for making babies with.
Anyway Mr Abbott, I like you anyway ‘cos Dad has stopped using naughty words and smashing our TVs since you got rid of Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd.
But when I’m old enough to have a baby I don’t want a free one Mr Abbott. I just want a nice one, like my brother Shamus used to be.
Please send me anything you’ve got that explains this PPL free baby thing, Mr Abbott.
8 (and three quarters)