DASTYARI DONE LIKE A DOG’S DINNER
… but not ‘til after Bennelong
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
“Why are you staring at my breasts Bill?” asked Kristina Keneally at a meeting with Sam Dastyari and Bill Shorten. “Look, we want you to stand in Bennelong against Alexander”, said Bill. “Get your hands off it boys, I’m doing okay at Sky, sort of. And what if I didn’t win, I couldn’t go back to my job at Sky!
“Well, Sam and me reckon we could drop you into a Senate vacancy if you lose, how about that?” “Now you’re talking boys… at least I won’t have to debate crap on Sky News with those airheads Peta Credlin and Laura Jayes… and will you please stop staring at my knees Sam.”
One month later
“I see you’re doin’ okay in Bennelong Kristina, I mean that tennis bloke is a bloody boring bastard”, said Shorten. “Hmmm, it’s going to be close, Bill”, said Kristina, “and that Senate offer better be still open”, “Yeah”, said Bill, “as a matter of fact I have already organised a vacancy for you …the little Iranian Rat is toast.”
“Who’s a little Iranian Rat?” demanded Dastyari. “Well, you’re at least an Iranian Dickhead”, said Shorten. “I mean you were stupid enough to get caught!”
“Jeezus Bill, who’s been organising all your numbers for you… bloody me, right? And who got that dipstick Kristina to save some furniture for the NSW Labor mob before they all went to the slammer? I mean she was never Premier material.”
“Now just a minute, you grubby little Sussex Street stain”, exclaimed an angry Kristina, “I would be delighted to take your Senate seat. You are such a dumbfuck, I mean the Labor Party has always played double agents with China and you’re the only one who was ever stupid enough to get caught. You have to piss off now… and stop perving on my legs!”
“If you bastards sack me, I’ll bring the lot of you down with me!” said a flushed Dastyari.
"I don't think so", said Shorten, "not if you want to keep your double agent's position."
It's all yours John
“Well, I’m about to throw Bennelong so I can see you out of the Senate”, said Kristina. “Throw Bennelong?” asked Dastyari. “Well” said Kristina, “Alexander will shit in... I have just sent my last year’s power bills to be paid by that little Chink billionaire, and I’ve reported it to Jayes and Credlin, so you’re over and out mate, you’re gooone! I get your Senate seat! So I’m leaving to pack my Senate bag now and don’t you dare stare at my bum, you two.”
Dastyari ran some nervous fingers through his Brylcreemed hair, “Don’t you have any loyalty at all Bill?”
“Loyalty?” queried Bill, “how do you spell that, Sam?”
Or this is how Labor insiders say it goes