The Pickering Post
Thursday, 18th January 2018

If you would like to be involved or support the upkeep and further development of this site, it would be very welcome no matter how small.


CLIVE IS UP THE POINTY END

... but who with?

Larry Pickering

Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.

BLOG / FACEBOOK



Neither Tony Abbott, nor anyone else for that matter, has the slightest idea how Clive Palmer will vote in the Senate, and neither does Clive. Having a discussion with him is like trying to juggle ping pong balls on a big dipper.

He is one huge bundle of madding contradictions that leaves you exhausted. He is a conservative, a socialist and a radical all in one, and genuinely so. 

His heroes are Jo Bjelke Petersen and Adolf Hitler, he is compassionate yet ruthless, loyal yet treacherous, Catholic yet agnostic, mean yet kind and bluster hides his insecurities.

My only book as a kid was, “101 Things a Boy Can Do” and I’m sure Clive owned that same book. He is the quintessential Peter Pan.

He wants the Chinese to build him a Titanic replica costing a billion he doesn't have and they don’t trust him anyway. 

But so what! He wants them to build him zeppelins too.

You see Clive thinks it’s the future for world transport. He maintains the Yanks were to blame for the Hindenburg disaster by refusing to supply the Germans with helium. So the poor Krauts had to use wicked hydrogen, causing a catastrophic explosion that denied the world of future economic transport.

Clive’s Titanic will be sunk before it reaches the slipway and his zeppelins will never get off the ground. 

But never fear, Clive ain't going anywhere. He is here to save the world with his native logic!

When he was one third his weight, and a university dropout, he ran successful campaigns for an appreciative Jo Bjelke Petersen who slipped him a couple of tenements, telling him he would make millions from them, he did, before aligning with the LNP and sinking the millions back into their coffers.

But Clive is a very loyal bloke, especially when it comes to what he’s owed, and little Campbell Newman didn’t think he owed Clive a damned thing, especially when it came to mining related favours.

Clive was livid. He sat up in bed one night and declared to his missus (the one who used to be married to his best mate) “I’m gunna be Prime Minister, and I’m gunna flush that little Newman turd down the dunny!”

“Go back to sleep dear”, said his missus.

But Clive didn’t go back to sleep, he set about fielding candidates in every Federal seat in Australia. 

Unfortunately quality control isn’t one of Clive’s finer points and he was left with an ordinary bunch of thick-necked ex Rugby League players, a burnt out pugilist, a few illiterate sheilas and himself!

Well, only himself won a seat, that of Fairfax, and a few of his odd bods snuck into the Senate, although there are no brownie points for fluking a Senate seat... my dog Blinkie was just pipped by Sarah someone.

Now all that hasn’t got Clive within cooee of The Lodge but it has got him the ability to assist the Greens to block Abbott’s supply Bills, that’s if his PUPs have been well-trained enough. 

Right now they can only sit and shake hands.

Blocking supply Bills isn’t very polite but there are plenty of other Bills that could lead to a double dissolution, that’s if Clive wants one. 

Neither of the major Parties wants one because Labor’s votes are leaking to the Greens and the Coalition’s are leaking to Clive.

From golf courses and dinosaur farms to footy teams, it seems everything he touches turns to poo. But the irrepressible Clive remains undeterred.

But anyway, who knows, the big man now casts a big shadow over Canberra and Coalition Members are becoming more polite to Clive each day.

Tony Abbott will have to deal with him soon! It’s either put him back on the Christmas card list or start planning another Pauline moment.



Comments

The word for Clive Palmer is Anarchist.

What's with all the tax envy Dante? We should cut all taxes except the GST which goes to 25%. Get rid of the pension which won't be needed as the above change will force every Australian to be a millionaire at retirement age. Oh, and no welfare with no unemployment. Don't work, don't eat. Watch the Muslims head for the exits.

What's with all the tax envy Dante? We should cut all taxes except the GST which goes to 25%. Get rid of the pension which won't be needed as the above change will force every Australian to be a millionaire at retirement age. Oh, and no welfare with no unemployment. Don't work, don't eat. Watch the Muslims head for the exits.

Why can't the other G19 bring their own bomb proof cars ?

I feel sorry for his wife having the weight of a whale on her. Possibly they have found a new position???????

I just wonder how he managed to father a child. I think he hasn't seen IT, except in a mirror, and then he would have to lift up his stomach.

Politicians are now an Elite Class . I read that by the time Rudd curls up his toes, he will have cost the public $20m. All the ex Pm's have their home and mobile phones paid for. Each former PM is entitled to at least two staff, including a senior private secretary, and the annual wages bill of each is nearly $300,000. It just goes on and on.

Jo, I'll vote for you for PM. Get that G20 lot doing some real work and fix up Google, Apple , Microsoft so they Pay Tax. send back the bomb proof BMW's, take all the ex prime Ministers off current generous welfare and get them to spend their own money swanning around the world and put them on a pension which is scrutinised and means tested like the rest of the public, if they want an office they can pay for it like we have to, if they want to be driven around, pay for a taxi, get the Miners to Pay an equitable tax for selling our iron ore and coal, get rid of all the Com Cars and their 24/7 drivers, if they still want us to work till we are 70 before we get a pension, fine, same rule applies to them, if a Pollie tells a lie, off to Centrelink to wait 6 months for payment.

Damn right, DJT...McTurd it is. He's up to his tricks, big time. That Washington Post story has his touch all over it; and devious to boot. It was printed not to grab the interest of WP readers, but to be reported by the lefty scribes of the Australia press.

Good point JB

Don't forget the junket for a bunch of scumbag pubic serpents to go to Bavaria to inspect the factory and test the vehicles to make certain that the BMW's met "Australian Standards!" I just can't get the vision of the BMW folks pissing their pants laughing in the lunchroom about the dickhead Australians and their inane comments while inspecting the plant! I am embarrassed thinking about it!

Hey, they fill govt. depts. with hundreds or thousands of Labor voters and act surprised when the money runs out. These people sit around all day thinking up new ways to spend our money. You worry about the cost of the vehicles. Think of the administrative costs to reach that decision. Probably 100 people on $120k . Sack them all and force them into productive employment

Been waiting 14 hours Davey, can you reveal your source about these bribes please?

dante - you are right. My argument is that when you are on the "bones of your arse" you don't run out an buy a new car! If the vehicle is only 8 years old and has worked perfectly well and you don't need to push start it in the mornings - why replace it? What we are looking at here is rampant narcissism, money being spent for no valid reason!

If the G20 meetings were going to be of any value, they would have worked out how to Tax Apple and the other Multinational Companies who send their profits to Ireland and the Bermudas. Free Junkets.

Jo Blow. The system is broken. The Loonies have taken over the Asylum. This latest Fiasco makes me feel worse than the Gillard years. We thought we were going to get some sanity into the system and what do we get? A couple of clowns running amok.

Eunita, thank you for your advice of always checking your source. I's impossible to know who is telling the truth these days.

Do you mean "Gina the Hutt?" You know, the one who stiffed her kids for billions in order to stay the "Richest woman in Australia!" Now THAT thing is twice as revolting! As far as I know Clive hasn't ripped of any of his kids!

As an after-thought, if these G20 heads didn't create enemies all over the place they wouldn't need to worry so much would they? We don't want the terrorist groups hunting them to land on our doorstep!

$800,000 for a Holden! If the current vehicles are only 8 years old what's the problem? They would be in "mint" condition as they would be looked after and serviced better than most kids in this country!
"neither option is believed to have been able to meet international standards for protection against attacks."
Jeezus! What do they want? Put them in APC's or Leopard Tanks and give them a ride around the block for Christ's sake. Somebody take the damn cheque books of these people, It feels like the alp years all over again. PS. Don't offer to suck up to all these dwarfs and refuse to hold another bloody "G" anything meeting! WE CAN'T AFFORD THEM!