ABDUL AND THE NEW FOREIGN FIGHTERS BILL
Four-time Walkley Award winning political commentator and Churchill Fellow, has returned to the fray over concern that the integrity of news dissemination is continually being threatened by a partisan media.
Let’s say your name is Abdul and you are a budding Aussie terrorist from Lakemba mosque who has been invited to partake in the Islamic State Games in Syria (bugger, I shouldn’t say Islamic because that’s inflammatory). I’ll start again. Let’s say your name is Abdul and you are a budding Aussie terrorist from Lakemba presbytery who has been invited to partake in the Presbyterian State Games in Syria.
Now, as a good Presbyterian, you will have at least two passports, plus your brother’s, and you will be just itching to get over there and bang a few heads.
Okay, Greece is lovely this time of year and a few weeks’ disability payments will get you an Etihad return flight for around $2,800. So, “Greek Islands here I come”.
After arriving in Greece with your “legitimate” passport, you catch the ferry over to Turkey where you flash your brother’s passport and hop a bus down to the porous Syrian border where the Turks are hosing refugees back into Syria.
If you don’t want to get wet just flash that other dodgy passport and a dozen or so Presbyterians will welcome you down to where the action is.
After a night on the nest with a captured Shia sex-slave sheila and the obligatory five push-ups, you’re trained up and ready to go.
Now you are in your black hoodie with a knife and ready to be trained on the AK-47. A nice Presbyterian cleric shows you where the trigger is, how to point the narrow bit and instructs you to go shoot some Presbyterians.
“Shoot Presbyterians?” you ask. “Okay okay”, says the cleric, “if that offends you, just cut their bloody heads off then. “But, but, aren’t we all Presbyterians here?” “Listen you Aussie chicken shit, haven’t you read the Koran?” asks the cleric. “Yes, yes, but...”.
“Look, the only other job I’ve got for you is this vest here.”
Now you’re a bit worried because you thought you’d only be shooting guns in the air, waving black flags and yelling Allahu Akbah! “Look sir, I’m not happy about knocking off other Presbyterians, I really think I can be of more assistance back in Lakemba beheading a few infidels.”
“You’re kidding”, says the cleric. “You mean there are some infidels still left in Lakemba? You had better get back there real quick!”
Back in Sydney you show the customs agent your “legitimate” passport with the Greek stamp and tell him you were visiting your on-line Greek fiancee who really didn’t match up to the chimpanzee pics she sent you.
Now you’re back home with your Presbyterian mates looking forward to the Swans licking the Hawks and joining in the Friday demo waving black flags, shooting guns in the air and yelling Allahu Akbar while complaining of Presbyterian discrimination.
Abdul has now been radicalised, despite the Government’s new Foreign Fighters Bill, but he can still safely call Australia home with its wonderful multicultural, multi faith communities of temperate tolerance toward Presbyterianism.