The Pickering Post
Wednesday, 19th December 2018

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"MASTER-POLLIE"

... a real show for pissed orf Aussies at last!

Renny Carter

Renny Carter, 53, is an old journo and one of the Liberal Party's faceless men, who has opinions on anything and everything in contemporary life.

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Last night I did something that I so rarely if ever do. I watched an hour of mainstream television. When I say mainstream I mean one of those shows where people vie to cook something better than everyone else and they get all bitchy and teary and the judges bark nasty rude things at them like a nasty old Germanic Reich Marshall.

This has the dual effect of rendering the recipient into a blathering idiot where they lose the will to live and control of their bowels at the same time. Which is bad when you are in an environment that is lousy with sharp things.

Now I blame that idiot Gordon whatsisname from England who, not content with telling people what lousy cooks they are (compared to him), also tells them they are fucking worms. And Pillocks.

While I am not sure what one of those is, why somebody hasn't punched his lights out is beyond me. I would go nose to nose with the bastard if he talked to me like that. He'd be getting my curried sausages well up 'im on the end of a BBQ fork.

Last night's little viewing 'gem' was a bunch of Pommy bakers making bloody buns. All sorts of sticky things that we don't get in Australia. The judges were a bloke who knew his buns and an old biddy with a pearl necklace and teeth like a row of condemned houses and an accent that said, "Fuck off, you're not on my socio-economic level". Which is a reoccurring problem in England.

They weren't as vicious as Ramsay, to be honest, but they still reduced a big fat tough rugby player of a baker to tears and a skinny wimpy one with a lisp to potential suicide. Any money he's parked up in a lay-by with a hose attached to his exhaust as I type this.

So I said to Mrs Renny, “Why is everything so fucking competitive these days? Why does every show have to have people being humiliated and thrown out and passed over and told they are no good?” And she said, "It's the way of the world. And could you stop saying Fuck every time you disapprove of something".

She said they do up houses and throw people out, they have singing shows and humiliate people, they have cook offs and bake offs and dance offs. And always people are being torn down and their aspirations and will to live shredded before their very eyes.

And it was then that I got my brilliant idea. “Stay with me here”, I said to Mrs R., "Why is that they dissect the cookery and renovation and dancing and singing worlds and leave the one  where there are really bloody awful, dreadful people, totally alone?"

She said, "You can't have a shag off on TV." "No" I said, "A Parliamentary Showdown! Master Pollie!" I mean, we could have the everyday National problems like the pollies have and then they would be judged on their actions and responses. And even past lives so we get a bit of real dirt in the mix.

"Can you imagine", I said thumping the kitchen table in creative resonance, "how quickly we could have disposed of KRudd and Gillard under this system. Can you imagine the roasting we could have given Peter bloody Slipper and his ilk?" In fact, I think Ramsay would be good! Because he could annihilate them at the end. "Slipper you grovelling little twisted turd, you excuse for a man, you man shagger, you evil misogynistic little creep, get out of my kitchen!  Er, MY PARLIAMENT!" Bloody brilliant!

Bronny needs to be in there too. Her put downs would be legendary given a bit of heady licence. Then we watch them take the long walk while the crowd jeers. Magnificent!

We could get that sheila from 'The Weakest Link’ to compere it. She's a nasty bitch when pushed. Actually Bronny might be better. And when that bloody Sarah Hanson-Young or Penny Wrong put their heads up, it could be open slather.

We'll pack the Public Gallery with a mad mob of disgruntled Australians, and let's face it, we have never had more of those than we have now. This is a winner if ever I saw one! They'd be dragging Lake Burley Griffen every week for these useless excuses for politicians WE HAVE TODAY.

Shorten would be toast. We'd do him slowly. And the good ones would win and go forward. And we'd end up with a decent, good, clever government and there would be not one thing that Labor or their Union buddies could do about it.

This returns Question Time TO the people. With just the right amount of bloody lust and carnage.

Don't stop me.... I'm on a winner with this one.

 



Comments

That's been labor from day one - we all know that, and now add the greens and you have double trouble - absolutely no bloody idea about economics or how to run a business such as our country - Rudd is a prime example - twat - and Gillard? she is just a joke - and so is the rest of labor and the greens and Palmer ??? he is just an idiot or a big liar.

You forgot to add the Judges! (on the Court bench) - spot on! We are sick to death of labor's vitriol, abuse - demeaning Abbott - what's wrong with these nuts? Yep, bring a show you suggest - let's clean out Parliament and our corrupt Judges ONCE AND FOR ALL - sick to death of the whole lot of them - and they can take their 43% voters with them -

I remember that show. Glad to see that the winnings went into the community rather than that of some promoter.

Yay, go for it ... Would love to see a show like that!!

Just heard on Alan Jones that Rudd, Gillard, Swan, Wong, Garrett and Arbib ( I think that's all) have applied for legal aid for the Pink Batts Royal Commission. Legal Aid is means tested in NSW but these poor ex pollies can not possible be forced to pay for their own legal fees. The child abuse witnesses and victims of crime have to pay their own legal fees. I feel absolutely disgusted and sickened by the dishonesty of these scumbags.

Years ago I was in a TV game show 'Its a knockout' and that had a fair audience. The money we won went back to the community via our Apex Clubs.

Renney, you had better make a call to a TV channel. Suggest they get celebrities who stand in under the name of selected pollies and they can only apply a solution in accordance with that parties or individual policy and personal profile. They can call the show Snouts in the trough.

Cannot stand looking at a woman in tight jeans and.....

Did you never watch Home Improvement? The show with Tim Allen? The bird who was on that show was the only reason to watch it! :)

Yes, definitely on a winner AND STOP NICKING MY IDEAS!! :D

S.G. The Liberals and Nats. have to get organised, and do direct mailing, or volunteer post box deliveries of news letters that are simple and easy to digest. i.e. spoon feed them. I get neighbourhood watch news sheets on a regular bases, yet outside the election cycle we get nothing from the team we support. All the universities have Liberal clubs, and they should be handing out news letters that are student specific. The RSL is a great place to get to the older generation, and specific news sheets should be handed out there. S.G it is all marketing, and our team have to improve in this area.

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S.G O.K. go ahead.

They never look quite right do they Ozjohn. Plus they cry everytime things don't go their way. Now I know why I watch - You Tube.

O/T but rather concerning to us Tony Abbott fans:

'IT was the secret meeting in a Canberra Chinese restaurant that could secure the Budget for the Abbott government.
Billionaire Clive Palmer sat down for dinner with Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Head of Treasury Martin Parkinson last night.'
I am concerned, as I would not be surprised if that GRUB Palmer was attempting to coerce Turdbull into challenging TA, for the leadership, in turn for supporting the budget. Palmer and Turdbull together, are not a good combination, in my mind.

http://www.news.com.au/national/clive-palmer-and-malcolm-turnbull-busted-in-secret-dinner-meeting-along-with-head-of-treasury-dr-martin-parkinson/story-fncynjr2-1226935148249

?
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing The fifth would pay $1 The sixth would pay $3 The seventh would pay $7 The eighth would pay $12 The ninth would pay $18 The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59
So, that’s what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20?. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men ? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a h higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.
And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% saving). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.
“I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,”but he got $10!”
“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!” “That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”
“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. – Professor of Economics.
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After watching the first Origin game, I can tell you that if Thurston was a jockey, the Tongs would be hanging him out a window in Hong Kong, like the Reverend Darren Beadman. I've never seen a more deliberately bad game from a player since the first half of the Roosters/Cowboys game in 2009.

Blues 1 Maroons 0

Do you mean like an American TV roast ?

Off the topic but here is some food for thought. http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/judge-questions-why-only-the-boy-is-charged-in-underage-sex-case/story-fni6uo1m-1226934612872

We only hear from a loud minority. There are plenty going to University who just get on with the job and do not get involved in politics. Many are doing subjects that allow them little time for anything else.

Students live in an enclosed world. The original idea for universities was to create an environment in which they could set their minds free to inquire and investigate the universe - to discover new thing and pass it on to the rest of the world.
HAH! Now they're just a dumbed-down degree factories without discipline, structure, relevance or adequate access to the real world. That would be Arts...
A university is the last place I'd go to to find independent thought. Smartgirl can't even capitalise her name. She's obviously a product of one of these institutions. She isn't very good at making a cogent argument. Probably not interested either. It's the message, man.