The Pickering Post
Monday, 25th September 2017

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Phoebe

Phoebe

Phoebe is an 8 yo who attends Lloyd Street State School in East Malvern Vic. and she asks a lot of really important questions.

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DEAR Ms BISHOP (the one that has foreign affairs)

My Dad calls you the Stick Insect because he said you would need to run around under the shower to get wet. Mum calls you the Stick Insect because she said you eat your partners’ heads off after sexting with them like you did with Mr Abbott. Anyway I need your help Ms Bishop.


Dear Mr Turnbull,

Congratulations on your new poll, but Dad says you can’t win any elections unless you fix the mozzie hello certificate thing and look, we still can’t get more than $14 for our house on Ebay since the Farkhaeds moved in next door.


DEAR Ms BISHOP

(the foreigner affairs one, not the helicopter one)

I asked Dad why he calls you the Stick Insect and he said it was because stick insects chew their partners’ heads off after sexing them. Golly crumbs Ms Bishop, is that true?


OH, DEAR ME Ms BISHOP

Dad has only just got home. He’s on detention for a year this time but I’m worried we won’t have him for this Christmas ‘cos he got into another awful fight with Mr Fahkhaed next door.


Dear Mr Turnbull,

I know you are the Prime Minster so I think you can help me. My teacher says that I can be a boy if I want to, but I and my girlfriends are happy being girls. The trouble is that all the boys in sixth grade want to be girls during play lunch so they can get to use our toilets. Then after play lunch, they want to be boys again so they can talk all about us girls. It's really embarrassing, Mr Turnbull.


DEAR Mr TURNBULL,

I’ve worked out how to stop these terrible terrorist people who live in al-Raqqa. Bombing them just spreads them out everywhere, so could you please tell Mr Obama to stop all this silly bombing... oh hang on, you better tell Mr Putin, he seems to be running things now. This is my really good plan, Mr Turnbull:


DEAR Mr TURNBULL,

I wonder if me and my Dad could have some of that $4 million you are giving to the Parramatta mosque ‘cos we need to de-radicalise our mum? She got mixed up with Mr Farkhaed’s wives next door and now that we finally got her back she’s all different.


Dear Ms Bishop (the one who has foreign affairs, not the helicopter one)

Can you please help me cos my Mum went next door to borrow a cup of sugar from the Farkhaeds and she hasn’t come back. And now Mr Farkhaed seems to have an extra wife... we definitely counted five yesterday.


Dear Mr Abbott,

I’m getting all mixed up with this gay thing. Our teacher Ms Green is very excited over marriage quality and has painted her face in a rainbow and we all have to do an essay on why gay is great but I don’t even know how to tell who is gay.


DEAR Ms BISHOP

(not the talker one, but the one who has foreign affairs)

I heard you are going to ask Iran to take back our Iranians. I know you are asking them especially about Mr Dastyari but could you please also ask them if they will take our neighbour, Mr Fahkhaed, back too?


Dear Mr Abbott

Can you please help to get my Dad out of jail again. He keeps getting into trouble with the mozzie man who moved in next door. (He calls them mozzies ‘cos he says they sneak up and bite you when you’re not looking.)


NOT MY DAD'S PET SUBJECT

Last night for homework we had to do a short essay on our pets. I was very proud of my story even tho' it was a bit sad. This was my essay:

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